Hat Tips

Hello,

I’m here to talk about a problem I’ve had. No, not that one. My weight. I’ve always had a problem with my weight.

It goes back to when I was a jockey. Really. I was a jockey. We used to racehorses at Kenmare. It was a little three-eights mile dirt track. I race our saddle horses and Dad or Grandpa would race chariots. I was pretty young so I was designated jockey for a neighbors horses and ours. But I was growing. It was a problem.

My next problem was I was underweight. I was a lineman for the Bombers. At six-two and a hundred and forty-five pounds I was too light to be a lineman. Even in nine-man football. I made up for my lack of weight with a real lack of speed. I was the slowest 145-pound guard in the conference. The offense never ran the ball behind me. But the linebackers knew the ball was coming over me when we were on defense.

My next problem was bronc riding. Really. I used to ride saddle broncs. Not very well mind you. But I entered. Girls liked saddle bronc riders. By now I was 155 pounds and still six-two. Not an athletic 155 pounds. Just a skinny kid with very little coordination. There were heavier bronc riders, but they could move their feet. I still hold the record in Killdeer for the lowest scored ride in history. Twenty-eight. It did win fourth though in the amateur bronc riding at the Killdeer Mountain Roundup Rodeo.

Then I got married. I have to show you our wedding pictures. Six-two, or maybe a touch better, and 156! I was awesome!

I immediately started to gain weight. For several months, I thought I was pregnant. I was kind of a slow kid. Really. I was thirty years old before I found out pickles came from cucumbers! Really.

I gained weight for years. I read everything I could find about diet programs. Most of them involved cutting back on food and increasing exercise! Why, I’d sooner be a tad heavy! Then I saw where cutting back on soft drinks could help. I switched from Jack and Coke, to Jack and water! Lost ten pounds the first week! Really!

So, the past couple years I’ve been weighing myself once in awhile. Then this morning I noticed I had gained a bunch of weight the past month. I was devastated. I couldn’t figure out what the problem was.

Then I noticed I had weighed myself with both my glasses and my hearing aids on! Really! I took them off and just estimated they weighed about 18 pounds. I never got back on the scale. Really!

Later

Skinny Dean

Dean Meyer is a former legislator and ranches in southwest North Dakota. He has been a columnist around the state for years.


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