When you decide to take a sideshow circus of tiny children out into public, you hear a plethora of comments. “I bet you’re busy”, “You’ve got your hands full”, “ALL BOYS? Wow!”… All of the above are coming from the most well-meaning people that either empathetically relive their own post-child rearing years in their minds or thank their lucky stars that this is your goat show and not theirs.
As I think back, having one child was just as hard, but it was different. It is a complete life makeover! I truly feel that a dedicated parent, father or mother, gives 100% of their time and love to their child. However, when you have more than one, you don’t give 200%; you can’t, so you divide it. You don’t believe you can handle another one, but you just do. I know it sounds crazy, but that’s how it works. You love your children exactly the same amount, but you are allowed to love them differently because their differences should be celebrated. I feel that your heart grows to accommodate each of them. However, there are only 24 hours, so you multitask. You may develop a schedule, you may fly by the seat of your pants, or you may do a bit of both, but it is your family, and that’s what makes it special. You don’t have to fit some perfect mom mold. As long as you have your child’s best interests and safety at heart, you are doing it right. Real moms don’t throw stones! Real moms don’t ‘mommy shame’, but that’s a whole different article.
I think your second is definitely the hardest because you have to learn how to function during your pregnancy and beyond with another child. I went straight to three, so I didn’t follow directions. Nevertheless, after your first two, they have someone to play (or fight) with, so they aren’t as dependent on your care because they are a little older.
You also start to wonder how you will get everything done. Sometimes, the housework has to take a side-seat to meeting the new demands of this little family you’ve created and possibly taking a nap, (but everyone knows that never happens). I know it is nice to have your house clean when people drop by unexpectedly to see you and the baby, but just understand that only really removed people actually expect it to be clean. No one is judging you! A man came to deliver a mattress for me once, and I apologized for the toys in the living room, and his quote stuck with me, “If your house was clean, I’d wonder if you played with your kids.” However, if you are one that wants to have a perfectly clean house, you are a boss in my eyes because I can’t wing it.
Now that we have four boys under four, we just do the best we can to teach them, care for them, and love them as much as possible before bedtime each day. I know that the moms with more than four also do the same.
By the way, we are not “trying for a girl” in case anyone else would like to know.