What happens when your dreams of being a mother aren’t coming true no matter how much you try or how much you pray?
By Nicole Nowitzki
Why is to so easy for some people to get pregnant, yet it’s so difficult for others. When you have spent hundreds or thousands of dollars on pregnancy tests, ovulation tests, doctor’s and specialists, and sometimes very expensive treatments and medications, you start to wonder what you are doing wrong. It starts to affect your mood, personality, spirit, and relationships. However, it is a scientific fact that stress plays tricks on our bodies, and it can sometimes prevent a pregnancy from happening.
It is a catch 22 of heartache, pain, grief, wanting, and hopefulness. You want something so badly, but that might be what is preventing it from happening. How do you make your brain shut it off after you’ve waited months or years to be a mother? You can’t! It becomes an obsession that takes over your entire being. It hurts. It consumes you. Every baby picture, maternity picture, or family you see in public becomes another dagger through your heart.
Then, you have all of your well-meaning family and friends asking you when you are going to start having children. They look at you as if you are fulfilling some sort of selfish desire to be childless, when in all actuality, you are dying inside just talking to them about something so raw. All you want to do is disappear, but you just hide all your emotions and say something cliché in hopes to end the conversation or change the subject.
On the other hand, what if you’ve finally looked down at a positive pregnancy test, and all your pain is suddenly gone. You have never been so happy in your entire life. The anguish starts to feel like a thing of the past, and you start thinking about names, nurseries, baby clothes, and wondering about whether your beautiful baby will look like you or your husband. Then, all of a sudden, your precious first-born child is miscarried. You not only have to start over, but you have just lost a child. They say that there is no pain on Earth that hurts more than losing a child, and you go into a tailspin of depression.
If you are lucky enough to get pregnant again, you no longer experience the joyous euphoria you did the first time. You instantly start to worry about losing another child. You watch everything you do, eat, and even say. You don’t want to chance losing another child. You want to do everything you can to make this pregnancy work. Then, it happens again. This time, you need to go to the doctor and have a procedure to aide in the removal your beautiful second-born child because of miscarriage. Now, you are lost and hopeless. If you get pregnant again, you automatically assume that you are incapable of carrying your baby to term, and you have no hope at all.
Some go on to hold a baby in their arms, and some continue to have angel babies. You don’t know everyone’s story. They keep it to themselves, and you may never know their pain. You don’t know what they are hiding being a smile.
Some may finally want to confide in you. They don’t want you to give them advice or try to fix it because you can’t. They want you to listen and maybe cry with them. They need to release some of the hurt. They want to know that you are there for them. Be a shoulder to cry on, try to be a distraction from the pain, and just try to be understanding.
Today, say a prayer for peace, remember the silent struggle, and sprinkle kindness like confetti on everyone around you.