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This past week had it all. A water balloon fight at Magic City Campus in Minot became a criminal charge. Hijinks the last days of school before summer are now a class B misdemeanor because, as reported by the Bismarck Tribune, it “caused disruption in the school environment because of the yelling and screaming connected to the water balloons being thrown. And, Assistant Superintendent Kim Slotsve says the water on the floor also caused a hazard.”

By Pat Merriman

Holy cow, I’d still be serving that life sentence from my senior year. Not surprisingly, already 1,700 signatures (with a student body of only 958) are on a petition asking for the charges to be dropped. I mean, it wasn’t a pipeline protest or anything—most charges stemming from that mess down there were misdemeanors too ya know.

Next up, our good friends to the west and their wacky special election to replace outgoing US Representative Ryan Zinke who is President Trump’s new Interior Secretary. Proving that lib Dems do have a sense of humor, their candidate musician Rob Quist’s previous claim to fame was writing .45 Caliber Man and being endorsed by Bernie Sanders. Who knew Sanders liked country music?

The drama thickened on May 24th when Republican opponent, 56-year-old, Greg Gianforte committed, as reported by USA Today, “the body slam heard round the world” on liberal journalist Ben Jacobsen. Unfortunately, there’s no video of this event but, the audio is telling. Jacobsen shoves a recorder (or cell phone) into Gianforte’s face, the candidate takes offense, and “body slams” the 30-something reporter breaking his glasses.

Mainstream media immediately went on the attack calling for Gianforte to drop out of the race (the election was the very next day) and, decrying that twelve whole absentee voters (out of 700,000 registered and roughly 55% actually voting) wanted to change their votes after the “assault” as the main news story. Unfortunately, the voters didn’t seem to care and, Quist only garnered about 44 percent of that vote.

Proving that, once again, either nobody cares what the mainstream media thinks about anything, or body slamming an annoying, aggressive British tabloid’s reporter (and breaking his glasses) should be a competitive sport in Montana or, maybe that voters just don’t care about what is essentially two infantile men wrasslin’ around in the back seat of the political car over a tape recorder/cell phone. You two stop that or, I’m going to turn this campaign around…

Regardless, this drama will play out in a courtroom now that assault charges have been filed in the incident. And, as opined by the New York Times, this election was supposed to be a “referendum on President Trump” because of Gianforte’s support of his policies including pro-life and the opposition to the Affordable Care Act.

However, CNN reports that libs are spinning this as, oh well, “Gianforte didn’t win by 20 precentage points like President Donald Trump did in November.” That’s supposed to mean that winning by only 12% means that “voters are fed up with the President and the Republican agenda.” As if tossing a reporter in the eleventh hour had nothing to do with it.

So to my fellow elected officials, listen up, no matter how tempting it is to body slam some nasty, snarky fop, DON’T DO IT! I mean, that’s what security details are for. Ask the Secret Service. Oh, wait, that would mean that if a jury were to decide that Jacobsen’s actions were an imminent, aggressive, provocative gesture, Gianforte had a right to…

Well, let’s just not go there and, instead, heed the words of Gianforte supporter Craig Morgan, “Montana speaks for itself!”

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