Last week a friend stopped by while I was fencing along the road. Now the chances of catching me fencing are pretty slim. You can ask my neighbors if you doubt me. They will verify this.
By Dean Meyer
Anyway, Dale stopped by and asked if I wanted to take a little road trip. He had to pick up a quarter of beef at another town about an hour from here. It was a fairly easy decision for me.
It was a nice drive. We talked about cows. That’s what ranchers do. We talked about the weather. That’s what ranchers do when they get tired of talking about cows. We talked about how long our hearing aid batteries last. That’s what ranchers talk about when they get tired of cows and weather. It was a pleasant drive.
We visited some friends and relatives and then decided we had better stop for lunch. To support our veterans, we decided we should have lunch at the local Legion Club.
Do you watch that show hosted by Steve Hartman? No, not that Steve Hartman. The Steve Hartman that has that show about “a story in every town” on CBS.
We got into this Legion Club. It’s a small club. Only two people there besides the lady managing the club. Steve was kind of a big guy sitting on the corner stool. Reminded me of that big guy on Cheers. I miss him. Pablo was the Mexican guy crying in his beer and buying pull-tabs. And the manager, who shall remain nameless, was standing on a box behind the bar. Only she wasn’t standing on a box! She was just way taller than I. And I’m six-two!
Legion clubs are easy places to get into conversation. And it turned out that Steve was an avid hunter. Well, not avid. Well, not a hunter. But he had hunted with my driver Dale years ago. When they were kids. And Dale and his brothers would make Steve walk in the brush ahead of them and kick pheasants out. When one flew out they would scream at Steve to, “get down” and shoot over the top of him. Sometimes a stray BB would hit Steve but he was a pleasant sort and didn’t hold a grudge.
Pablo was a little weak in his English. And I’m a little weak in Spanish. But we played a hell of a game of charades. From what I could figure out, he was a worker bee that gathered honey. He had a wife in Washington State that was loco. And he had a girlfriend in Deadwood that just had a baby in Spearfish. And he really liked the tall manager of the Legion.
Now here is where it gets good.
You know how there are people that are scared of clowns. They even have a name for this phobia. Coulrophobia. Turns out this lady that manages the club wasn’t scared of clowns. She beat them up! Really!
I mentioned that we had produced rodeos in this town a number of years ago. Later, a different producer had the rodeo and his rodeo clown started picking on this lovely lady who is quite tall. He shouldn’t have done that.
He woke in the hospital with a cracked ribs, a broken nose, a dislocated shoulder, and a phobia of tall women!
I’ve got to go back. I think there are more stories in that Legion!
Dean Meyer is a former legislator and ranches in southwest North Dakota. He has been a columnist around the state for years.